It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
