I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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