Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
