david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
