After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
