i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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