do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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