a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
