ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
