dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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