ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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