I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
