Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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