Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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