ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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