I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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