you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
