Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize