im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
