you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
