i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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