So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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