I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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