I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
