My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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