i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
