I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
