I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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