So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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