I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
