You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
