my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
