i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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