I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
