my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
