so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
