yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dignity is for republicans.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
