My sheets look like a crime scene.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
