ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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