I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
