whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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