I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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