I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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