So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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