hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
