Whatcha textin bout Willis?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
