Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
