omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
