I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
