elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
