Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
