If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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