so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize