Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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