she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
