I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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