billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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