turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
