With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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