is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just invented taco cereal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
