she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
