Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
