Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
God, I missed his penis.
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