you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
