Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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