he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
