He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
