It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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