I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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