i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
