We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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