does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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