I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
