I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
